my experience with friendships/relationships ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

hey this is my first blog post? I’m not gg to proofread this stuff cos I’m lazy so forgive me if there’s any errors ig. I'll be talking ab my interactions w ppl and all that, ykyk? do mind that ‘relationships’ doesn’t refer to relationships with the opposite gender:/, it’s just relationships in general. From a very young age, ig i have been really good with people? I never seemed to have a problem interacting with people. but I do remember memories of me from a very young age hating the way I interact with people. Which kinda affects me till this day, yk? cos like I was a kid bro. I’m supposed to feel confident about myself ykyk? but it’s all in the past, so we move

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

Being very loud

One behaviour I have that has annoyed sm people is being loud. I can remember days from when I was in kindergarten where my friends and teachers would give me looks because I was and still am a very loud person. Well that was back when I wasn’t diagnosed with adhd. So like, I kinda feel bad for my younger self. In my primary school days, I feel like this feeling that I annoyed everyone became more prominent. I feel like what annoyed people the most was the fact that I would apologise about being loud one day, and then proceed to be loud again the next day. And like until today I get comments like “if you really hate the fact that you're loud, why can't you like just… idk, talk less?” It seemed like an easy solution to them back then, but this is something that I have been struggling with for a very long time. Growing up, I realised that yk what, this is something I can’t change, so like who tf cares about what other people are saying, I will be loud, and if you don’t like it, you can honestly just leave. end of story.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

Constant need for validation from others

I’m very very very grateful that this is not something that I do until now, but one thing that affected all my friendships in the past was the fact that I sought validation from everyone. And when i tell you everyone, I mean it. Every comment I gave, every fact I knew, every interest I had, everything I owned was just for validation. Until today I have no idea why I really needed validation, or why this behaviour even started, but it really affected me greatly. Until today, I face the consequences of my disgusting actions back then and it really makes me feel… Idk. it’s just not a nice feeling and I really. really wish I didn’t do whatever I did back then.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

Racism/colourism

This is a very annoying thing to write about, but I am going to tell y’all anyways because this is one of the main factors that has affected me since I was young. Which I think really reflects how messed up our society is. I really hate the fact that from a very young age, I already hated myself just because I was from a certain race. From a very young age, I felt absolutely ugly because of the fact that I had a darker skin colour. I vividly remember myself bursting into tears in front of everyone in class because I genuinely felt so disgusting and ugly. And whenever I think about that incident I realise that that wasn’t my fault, it was all the result of the hate I got from my classmates, friends, teachers and family. Until today, I don't understand why some certain family members that I have would ever find it in their heart to be colourist towards me. Because the thing is having a dark skin colour is very common within the people in our culture, so why are you shaming me for it????? it doesn’t add up. Racism is something I want to speak up about in the future. And I will.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

My thought process

It really annoys me that there are people who aren’t willing to listen to your views on things. My opinions on things are usually very different from other people and hey that doesn’t make me ‘unique’ or something, I’m sure that everyone has their own opinions on things and that is completely fine! :) What I don’t understand is that people will shame you for it and not at least try to view things from your perspective. I certainly can remember many interactions I have had where either my opinion is ignored, or made fun of. Like ok??? yr girl was just tryna give her input on things :|. This is the main reason I started writing a blog / making a blog space in the first place. I want to voice out my opinions on things and maybe get to know people who have similar opinions??? This is one of the goals I want to achieve in the future, I want to talk to/gather people who think the same and feel the same way about things. But I feel like in reality this wld be a very hard job. But idk, it’s just a vision I have.

-

alot of things have defo affected my relationships w others but like atm I really can’t think of anymore other stuff? LOL but when I do remember again I will fosho make a part two:)) until then, bye! <3

-lady issentro.